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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28825086">Solace</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chartreuseblueandyellow/pseuds/chartreuseblueandyellow'>chartreuseblueandyellow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MacGyver (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:21:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,810</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28825086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chartreuseblueandyellow/pseuds/chartreuseblueandyellow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But saying that, he just knew his feeble attempt to look normal wasn’t going to pass Riley's scrutiny. And though she wasn't fully awake yet, he could tell by the way her sleep filled eyes studied his face and his still slightly shaking hands that she knew.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riley Davis/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Obviously there’s a lot of intense angst potential with the latest ep, but I’m not the best at writing it, besides, I feel like we can all use a bit of a comfort fic rn, so I hope you take some solace in my fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With shaking hands, Mac splashed cold water onto his face, trying to make himself look normal in case anyone was awake in the cabin of the plane.<br/>
He had told everyone who asked that he was doing okay given the circumstances, but the thing was, some people liked sharing their emotions and some people just didn't.<br/>
He was definitely the latter.<br/>
And besides, he just really <em>didn't</em> want to talk to anyone about it, only to have them tell him it sucks and it hurts but over time it’d fade because sure, Mac knew that one day, whether it be a month, a year, or a decade, he’d remember Jack with a smile and a fond memory, but right now, it just fucking <em>hurt</em>, and he didn’t want anyone trying to smooth over that.<br/>
One of his best friends just <em>died</em>.<br/>
And like Riley had said earlier, there was a hole in his heart where Jack was, and no amount of reassurance or pity could fill it. </p>
<p>Letting out a shaky breath, he unclenched his hands and put them on the edge of the sink, staring into his red and slightly swollen eyes in the mirror.<br/>
He took a few shaky but deep breaths, trying to calm himself down to get rid of the shakiness he was feeling and to try and force the emotions back down again.<br/>
He spent a minute or so like that, looking into his eyes, taking deep breaths, and refusing to let himself think about anything at all. </p>
<p>Deciding this was as good as it was going to get, he put a still slightly shaky hand on the doorknob, took one last deep breath, and opened the door.<br/>
Everyone in the cabin looked to still be asleep and so thankfully Mac didn’t have to try to act normal, he didn’t know if he had the energy to do that right now. </p>
<p>Quietly walking back to his seat, he prepared himself to try to get some sleep, when a hoarsely whispered, “Mac,” drew his attention, and he turned to face a bleary eyed Riley.<br/>
He immediately tried to school his face into a casual expression. </p>
<p>Sure Jack had been his friend, his protector, and his rock, but he was all those things to Riley as well, and on top of that, he was also basically her dad.<br/>
Mac felt Jack's death hard, so he could only imagine how much it was for Riley. He was amazed at how well she'd been keeping it together, or maybe, like he'd just done, she only let herself act on it in private.<br/>
Mac had lost one of his best friends, but Riley had lost her dad, and so the whole day he'd been trying to comfort and reassure her, not burdening her with his own feelings.</p>
<p>But saying that, he just knew his feeble attempt to look normal wasn’t going to pass Riley's scrutiny. And though she wasn't fully awake yet, he could tell by the way her sleep filled eyes studied his face and his still slightly shaking hands that she knew.  </p>
<p>He mentally prepared himself for her questions, he knew he wouldn't be able to dodge around them, after all, she was the only one who'd be able to understand exactly how he was feeling, but instead she only sleepily whispered, "we have three hours left before we land," and moving to one side of her seat to make space for him, said, "how about you try get some rest."<br/>
Relief flooded through him and he nodded, walking over to her instead of his own seat. </p>
<p>The chair was roomy for one but a tight squeeze for two, but he found that he didn't mind.<br/>
He had never been a touchy-feely person, but in this moment, after everything he'd gone through, especially after finally feeling all the pain, anger and sorrow, he needed some physical reassurance, especially from the person who loved Jack just as much as he did.<br/>
Because of that, he found comfort when Riley's thigh pressed right up against his and it amplified as he put an arm around her so they'd fit better together in the chair.<br/>
Usually he’d never feel comfortable doing this, but this was Riley, and as well as knowing that she liked physical reassurance, Mac just knew that she needed this right now just as much as he did.</p>
<p>Resting her head on his shoulder, she whispered against him.<br/>
“I <em>know</em> how much you miss Jack, and I’m glad you’ve been my support all of today, but remember, I’m here for you too.”</p>
<p>Tearing up slightly, he rested his head atop hers and whispered, “I know.”</p>
<p>There was a moment of silence before she whispered again.<br/>
“Tomorrow, before our Die Hard marathon, we’ll talk it out, just the two of us.”<br/>
Mac nodded against her hair, realising that, because it was Riley, she wasn’t going to try and sugarcoat anything at all, and because of that, he didn’t feel like avoiding tomorrow’s talk.<br/>
Making herself more comfortable against his shoulder and resting one hand reassuringly on top of his hand which was on his knee, she added in a sleepy whisper, “but for now, just try to sleep.”</p>
<p>Mac nodded again, and though he wanted to thank her for just <em>understanding him</em>, he couldn’t get any words out past the emotion clogging in his throat, so, knowing she’d understand, he pressed a light kiss on her hair before resting his head on hers again. </p>
<p>Slowly whispering a quiet, “I’ve got you Mac,” Riley fell asleep in his arms, and feeling some solace for the first time today, Mac managed to drift off to sleep as well. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A sharp throbbing in his leg woke him up, and stifling a groan, Bozer realised that the pain meds had worn off. Trying not to make a sound in the silent cabin, he took another from the ones Mac had put next to him earlier for this reason.<br/>
Bozer shook his head.<br/>
He knew Mac was acting like he was okay, but he had known him for most of their lives and knew when Mac was trying to hide his feelings and hold everything in. </p>
<p>He turned around to see how Mac was doing and was slightly alarmed to see the chair empty, but a pair of light snores coming from Riley’s chair turned his head and he saw the two of them squeezed into it, Riley with her head on Mac’s shoulder and his on top of hers.<br/>
He had an arm holding her against him and she had a hand on top of his.<br/>
It seemed like, even in their sleep, they were trying to reassure the other. </p>
<p>For the first time today, Bozer let out a smile. </p>
<p>Jack had loved everyone in the team, he knew that, but he also knew, without a doubt, that Jack loved Riley and Mac the most.<br/>
That was proved by the last time he had talked to Jack, when he had been saying his goodbyes to everyone in the war room.<br/>
At first Bozer had been confused by Jack telling him to take care of his Bruce Willis VHS tapes, they weren’t <em>that</em> important, but Jack’s knowing look had made Bozer understand.<br/>
It was a veiled request.<br/>
He’d wanted Bozer to take care of what he loved the most; Mac and Riley. </p>
<p>Bozer had to admit to himself that that was ringing in his head as he stepped in front of Riley today to take the bullet, but she was also one of his best friends and he’d have done it anyway.<br/>
He would’ve done the same for Mac as well, and knew in his gut that Mac would’ve done the same for him and for Riley.</p>
<p>And Bozer knew he'd promised to look out for and take care of Mac and Riley, but he knew that, right now, the best way to do that was for the two people who loved Jack the most, and who Jack loved the most in return, was for them to take care of each other.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just needed to write a second chapter about them having their talk before the Die Hard marathon. <br/>Let me know what you guys think, enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mac opened the door to see an absolutely exhausted looking Riley, and honestly, he was sure he looked the same, if not worse.<br/>Holding up a huge bag of take out, she said, “I brought Chinese.”</p>
<p>He ushered her in, and as they walked towards the kitchen, he asked, “we expecting anyone else? That’s a <em>lot</em> of food.”</p>
<p>“I figured you probably hadn’t eaten anything today,” he shot her a slightly guilty look, and shaking her head, she said, “yeah well, I’ve had to force myself to eat so I can't chastise you too much, besides, I figured you can keep the leftovers for tomorrow.” </p>
<p>Even through all the pain and hurt she must be feeling, Riley still made an effort to look out for him. <br/>“Thanks Riles.”</p>
<p>Nodding, she grabbed plates and they made their way over to the couch, the title screen of the first movie already up and ready to go.<br/>Riley eyed the screen then looked at him.<br/>“Talk first so then we can just enjoy the movie later?”</p>
<p>He nodded.<br/>“Sounds like a plan.”</p>
<p>They both ate a few bites in silence, unsure where to start. Sure he’d promised to talk things out with Riley, and there was no one he’d rather do that with than her, but it was slightly awkward. <br/>He asked the first thing that came to mind.<br/>“How'd you sleep?”</p>
<p>She gave a sarcastic chuckle.<br/>“Not well at all. I’m guessing it was the same for you?”</p>
<p>He huffed out laughter, knowing it’d be enough of an answer for her. <br/>They ate in silence for a few more moments before Riley got straight to the point.<br/>“So you kind of lost it there on the plane huh?”</p>
<p>He really didn’t want to describe what exactly had happened, so he just said, “yup, one way of putting it I guess.”</p>
<p>There was silence, but after a while, Riley looked at him with a sad smile.<br/>“I know you always bottle things up, so just remember to let it out. I’m always here for you, you know that Mac, but if you don’t want to talk to me, talk to <em>someone</em> about it, but don’t force it in.” </p>
<p>He appreciated her more than she could ever know, so he showed that feeling by being completely honest with her.<br/>“That’s really hard for me, sharing stuff doesn’t come naturally,” she nodded understandingly, “but I promise I’ll try and talk with you more about things..”</p>
<p>She put a gentle hand on his arm.<br/>“That’s all I’m asking.”</p>
<p>He gave her a small smile and returning it, she went back to her food, but he quickly added, “and the same offer stands for you Riles.”</p>
<p>She smiled softly at him, and between bites, said, “I’m definitely going to take you up on it. Like I’ll probably talk to the others a bit, especially Bozer and Matty, but like, it’s <em>Jack</em>. It just makes… sense, I guess, to talk about him with you. If that makes any sense.”</p>
<p>Smiling slightly, he said, “yeah I know exactly what you mean.”<br/>She smiled and went back to eating, but instead of eating, he stared at the food on his plate. Before his mind could stop him, he hesitantly added, “you’re the only person I’d tell but I still feel kind of bad for forcing my troubles onto you because sure he was my friend, protector, and rock, but he was all those things to you <em>and</em> your dad.”</p>
<p>At the silence that followed his statement, he hesitantly looked up to meet Riley’s gaze. She looked shocked. <br/>Putting her plate on the coffee table, she held one of his hands with both of hers, and looked him in the eye to show her how serious she was. <br/>“You listen to me Mac. That is <em>absolute garbage</em>.”<br/>He blinked, slightly shocked by the ferociousness in her voice, but ignoring his expression, she continued.</p>
<p>“I know you’re going to feel bad about it, that’s just the kind of person you are, but every single time that thought comes into your head, I need you to remember that that thought is <em>completely</em> wrong. You have <em>every</em> right to grieve Jack just as much as I do, maybe even more.”</p>
<p>He looked at her with surprise and she gave a slightly self deprecating laugh.  <br/>“It's kind of ironic that you brought this up because I was actually feeling kind of guilty unburdening all my feelings onto you."<br/><em>She did?</em><br/>"Like you said before, Jack was a friend, protector, and rock to the both of us, but unlike me, he was also with you through war. I can only imagine the horrors you've faced together and how close you must've been because of it and just how much you relied on each other. I definitely can't claim the same with Jack."</p>
<p>Mac opened his mouth ready to disagree, just because their experiences with Jack were different didn't mean that they were any less valid, but Riley laughed as she took in his expression.<br/>"Whatever you're feeling right now Mac, that's <em>exactly</em> how I felt when you said the same thing to me." </p>
<p>He opened his mouth to speak but she laughed while shaking her head.<br/>“I know I’m being completely hypocritical with my advice, I know.”</p>
<p>He huffed out laughter. <br/>"Fine. Anytime either of us feel guilty unloading our grief on each other, we remember this conversation, and tell each other anyway."</p>
<p>She smiled and nodded, giving his hands one last squeeze.<br/>"Sounds like a deal Mac." </p>
<p>He knew that they hadn't divulged every single feeling and emotion that they had, that just wasn't who he or Riley were. What they <em>had</em> done was let the other know that they didn't have to spill anything right now, but that they were always there for the other when they wanted to.<br/>Mac wouldn't have it any other way.</p>
<p>The tension in the room eased and they finished off their meals in a comfortable silence. <br/>He didn’t eat as much as he normally would’ve, but if Riley hadn’t arrived with food he probably wouldn’t have eaten at all. And if she wasn’t here eating with him, he probably wouldn't have eaten either. He had a feeling she knew that, and that was why she hadn’t eaten dinner before coming. </p>
<p>A thought suddenly coming into his head, he said, "I want to print out all the photos we have of Jack."</p>
<p>Riley gave a small laugh, saying, "that's going to be a <em>lot</em> of photos."</p>
<p>"I don't care. I want them all printed out so I can look at them every day. I refuse to let myself forget even a single thing about him."</p>
<p>She smiled sadly at him, seeming to understand exactly what he meant.<br/>"How about this. I'll bring a few of those digital photo frames and upload every single photo we have with Jack onto them."</p>
<p>Mac nodded at Riley and managed a smile. She always had a solution for him. </p>
<p>After a few moments of pause however, she gave a sad laugh.<br/>“Do you know that today, I went around my house finding all of Jack’s things that I could, at the back of cupboards or under piles, and put them front and centre so I could feel closer to him,” she looked at him with a sad smile, “silly, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>Mac shook his head. <br/>“Not at all, in fact -” reaching under his shirt, and ignoring her confusion, he said, “I’ve been wearing these all day for that exact reason.”</p>
<p>She froze as her eyes landed on the dog tags, and he spoke as he worked one of the tags off the chain.<br/>“Since there are two, I think Jack would want me to have one and you to have one as well, wouldn’t you say?”</p>
<p>She stayed quiet, but tears filled her eyes as he put the chain around her neck and she looked at the tag in her hand.<br/>He gave her a moment, and after a while she looked up at him, her voice sounding like it was on the verge of tears.<br/>“Yeah, okay,” and looking at the tag he had in his hands she asked, “but what about you, how are you going to wear that if I have the chain?”</p>
<p>He gave her a small smile. <br/>“You underestimate me Riles. I’m almost certain that I have some chain that will work with this so I can wear it all the time.”</p>
<p>She managed a watery smile, and gently tucking hers under her shirt and pressing her hand against it, she mumbled, “yeah, I think I’m going to end up wearing mine all the time too.”</p>
<p>He held the one in his hand slightly tighter. <br/>“Jack will always be with us.”</p>
<p>She nodded, and after a moment of silence, she blinked the tears from her eyes, cleared her throat, and nodded towards the TV.<br/>“Wanna start the marathon?”</p>
<p>Wiping away a few tears as well, he smiled.<br/>“Let’s do it.”</p>
<p>They stacked all the empty containers and chopsticks onto the coffee table and sat on the couch, both of them instinctively sitting close to each other, knowing they’d need each other's silent physical support.<br/>The starting credits rolled, and as the opening scene came up, Mac couldn’t help the tears forming in his eyes again. </p>
<p>Riley spoke quietly. <br/>“I don’t think I’ve ever watched this without Jack -” and blinking away her tears, added with a small smile, “the first time I watched it was actually with him.”</p>
<p>Mac let out a small chuckle.<br/>“Same here. He almost lost his mind when I said I hadn’t watched it and immediately started lecturing me about why it was a cinematic masterpiece,” she smiled, and throwing his hands up, he added, “in the middle of a war zone! We were literally getting <em>shot at!</em> and he was explaining to me what made the script of the movie so dynamic and new." </p>
<p>Riley managed a small laugh.<br/>“He really needed to sort out his priorities.”</p>
<p>He smiled back at her and they turned back to the movie, both of them instinctively sitting even closer, thigh against thigh, shoulder against shoulder. </p>
<p>They stayed like that for most of the movie, both of them comfortable enough in each other's presence that they didn't say anything when they heard the other sniffle or try to hide a few sobs. They only held each other's hand when that happened, but said nothing, letting the physical contact speak for itself. </p>
<p>More than an hour later, Jack's favourite line came up. <br/>John McClane, on the radio with Hans Gruber, and his ever famous line, "Yippee-Ki-Yay motherfucker!" </p>
<p>Both he and Riley couldn't help but laugh. They'd heard that line countless times from Jack, one of the reasons he'd quoted it when they got Vitez. <br/>It was one of Jack's favourite lines from all the movies, and suddenly, Mac's smile slowly faded.<br/>It seemed so… wrong… to watch this movie, to smile at it and enjoy it without Jack. </p>
<p>A gentle hand on his arm pulled him out of his thoughts and he met Riley’s slightly worried gaze.<br/>“Mac?”</p>
<p>Turning back to the screen, but not taking any of it in, he hesitantly spoke. <br/>“Do you feel… guilty… that we’re just… enjoying this movie?”<br/>When she didn’t immediacy reply, he turned and met her thoughtful look and he hurriedly added, “like I know it’s stupid but I can’t help but just -”</p>
<p>She hooked her arm through his and rested her head against her shoulder, her words vibrating slightly against him.<br/>“I don’t think it’s stupid,” and pausing, as if considering whether to say it or not, she added, “you know, last night, or was it early this morning?” he chuckled slightly, and feeling her smile against him, she continued.<br/>“Anyway, I found this toy that Jack bought for me when I was young, and I started laughing because he brought it for me as a bribe so I wouldn’t tell mom we accidently broke one of her favourite vases playing soccer inside, but then I instantly felt <em>so guilty</em> that I was happy when his funeral was only yesterday, that I almost started crying.” <br/>His heart clenched for what she must’ve felt in that moment, but after a pause she said, “but do you know what I told myself?”</p>
<p>Resting his head against hers, he asked, “what?”</p>
<p>“I told myself that Jack would’ve wanted us to remember him with smiles and laughs. Like genuinely, he really would’ve.”<br/>He nodded against her head because he knew in his gut that it was true, and she continued.<br/>“And I know it’s really hard to do that right now, so don’t try and <em>force</em> yourself to only think of him happily, that’s definitely not healthy either, but if you happen to think of something Jack did or said, or even something that just reminds you of him, and you automatically smile or even laugh, don’t feel guilty about it.”</p>
<p>He let her words sink in, and agreeing with it all, he smiled into her hair.<br/>“Some pretty wise words there, Riles.” </p>
<p>She gave a small huff of laughter against him.<br/>“Yup that’s me, your neighbourhood philosopher,” he smiled, but voice tuning more serious, she added, “I really do believe what I said is true, but I know I’m definitely going to have moments of feeling guilty about being happy or enjoying myself, but I promise I'll at least <em>try</em> to follow that advice.”</p>
<p>He covered her hand with his free one.<br/>“Hey, that’s all you can do. And besides, I’m counting on you to keep reminding me of that and I’ll do the same for you.”</p>
<p>She squeezed his arm.<br/>“Agreed.”<br/>They tuned back into the still playing movie in front of them, not making any moves to let go of each other. </p>
<p>They definitely didn’t enjoy it as much as they would’ve if they’d been watching it with Jack, but they watched it anyway, cried, and even allowed themselves to smile or even laugh, especially when it came to scenes that Jack had loved and quoted constantly. <br/>This whole marathon hadn’t been about watching the movie for the movie’s sake, but as a way to remember and honour Jack, and also as an outlet for everything they had bottled up. <br/>So it didn’t really matter if they missed entire scenes at a time because they started talking about a memory of Jack, or sometimes even because they couldn’t see anything through their tears. <br/>All that mattered was that Mac was here, with Riley, and they were remembering the man who meant <em>so much</em> to them, the man that they both loved, and doing it in the way that he would’ve wanted to be remembered.</p>
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